Malcolm is a rude, dirty cat. Grooming habits? He has none, but he does have a dirty chin and scabby ears. His motto is: everything I see, I pee on it. He destroys porch furniture, befouls the garden, and generally makes a neighborhood menace of himself. Such characters are easy to bribe, considering their low morals. Malcolm lets me scratch his chin, if I give him some barbecued chicken. Then I run right in and wash my hands. Gross kitty.