Cupcake is ruining my life

Cupcake the Woodchuck was missing all spring until NOW. Where has he been? He looks like he's been sleeping in the scrapyard, using a busted up gas tank for a basinett and greasing his 'do with dirty motor oil. Or maybe he just packed himself away in a rock pile without any moth balls last winter.

Cupcake loves strawberries. He likes sunflowers, and he positively relishes tender young cabbage leaves. He says I should write this list in alphabetical order, and base it on my seed starting records, because he intends to sample his way through my entire list of Things Cultivated, then make a final death-sweep through the garden during lunch hour. Well, Cupcake, maybe I should fill up the birdbath with beer so you can wash it all down.

I am so obsessed with this woodchuck that I mistook my boyfriend's filthy old baseball cap, sitting on top of the washing machine, for Cupcake. (In my own defense, I was in a really big hurry). I actually slammed the medicine cabinet door and whirled around thinking, how the f&#% did he get IN HERE?!