These ripe hot days of summer, a professional gardener has to keep herself hydrated. There are two things that can make me exceptionally crabby on a job site. One is dehydration. The other is nowhere to pee. Sometimes, you've got to settle for one or the other. Each is not without its brand of pain, given about twenty minutes. Driving somewhere else just to pee is time consuming. Waiting till the last possible moment to drive somewhere else just to pee is really uncomfortable, and every time I do it, I'm sure I take a month off the life of my bladder! I will be wearing diapers in no time flat!
That's why it makes me happy to have a peeing thicket. A good peeing thicket is very private, out of sight of clients, neighbors, and lawn maintenance/construction worker men. It can not be seen into from anyone's second story windows. It is in the woods, or at least far enough from outdoor living space that if the client did know you were using it as a toilet (which they don't), they would not be offended. If we're really talking the stuff of dreams, it is conveniently located near the compost area, a place I'm headed for anyway, and it contains no poison ivy or pickery things.
You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a spot like this. When I am delirious with pee rage, my ears start to burn, and I begin sputtering...
THIS is what's wrong with America! The people who sell lawnmowers are to blame! They have cultivated a sterile aesthetic, and now the sum total of this nation's greenery is no more than three inches high! I am five foot one! What became of brambles, of copses, of tangles and drifts? God damn this infernal, eternal expanse!
I ought to squat in its midst, to prove my point.
The above shot of a very tiny bunny's butt might seem altogether unrelated to my post, but I assure you, it's not. If I could simply stick my head into a place from which I could not see anyone, and therefore be hidden, life would be easier - peeing would be easier. This bunny's theory about no one being able to see him is unsound, of course, but admirable still.
9 comments:
Pee rage!!
LOL
This post made my day. I definitely do not having a peeing thicket anywhere on my property. All points in my yard are visible to someone.
You are hilarious!! Just wait until you are in your 60's!! We love your Pearled Earth site.
Mary Ann
Yes! Liberate your lawns, America! We have been known to squat in various locations around our property for territorial purposes... no shame in that! The deer apparently don't like it too much.
LN of Down & Dirty commented in an email: "Oh how I share your pain! My new rule is that if I can't have access to a bathroom, I don't take the client. There is only one client who hasn't come across with keys and she's being dropped at the end of this year, although she doesn't know it yet. Seriously, it's just common courtesy. We are not men, after all!"
Thanks for the support, everyone!
Kyna, the truth is that it's just very freeing to pee outside, so you might want to start cultivating a peeing thicket if you don't have one :)
Immortal Mountaineers, now if I ever get caught, I can say I'm just deterring the deer! Thanks for the tip.
And LN, I like your rule. I just may adopt it. I could give clients a handout on "planting native peeing thicket shrubs, which also produce wildlife forage," if they won't give me access to the porcelain...
That was hilarious, and at the same time I feel your pain! I've done enough field work in the past, that not having a place to pee makes life miserable. Especially if you're a morning coffee drinker like myself! Some days I'd skip the coffee knowing I was going to be working out in flat grassland. I have experienced pee rage first hand, and hate it! We have many thickets here though, although we also have many prickly plants, and an abundance of ticks! For anyone working here, I'd have to say 'pee at your own risk' LOL :P
The bunny butt is adorable!
Hi, found you on Blotanical. I'm a fan of all things overgrown and wild...even though I live in a city known for its precisely formal garden aesthetic.
Yes, coffee definitely exacerbates the problems. But what is a morning without coffee? A not-as-good-as-it-could-have-been morning, followed by an afternoon of splitting headache, in my case. Prickly plants and ticks... the hazards are endless!
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