3.21.2012

Out with the old



Spring is all in a rush this year, tripping over itself on the way in (and out) the door. We went away for ten days and my dark purple crocus have been and gone. We are going away again, and I fear that next I tread the brick path to the backyard, pear petals will brush my cheeks as they blow off their branches. I can't bear to miss the pear tree. I wait for it all year.

Spring's arrival always comes just when I least expect it. I am all settled into dark, silent mornings, wool blankets, and the seat of my cushy desk chair. This year my routine is even more broken. I have told my gardening clients I will complete spring cleanups for them - trim, divide, edge, tidy - and then I will be closing up shop as a professional gardener. My stomach gives a little lurch as I type that. To close a business that has been so good to me? To say no over and over, when a sensible person might be hiring an employee and taking on more clients?

But it's not what I want anymore. I want to travel with Matt, and move to the country. Wherever home is, I want to be there - in my own garden, not someone else's. And damn me, I've never been able to abide by something I don't want anymore. Pigheaded or dreamy or whatever I am, I'm off in a new direction, for better or worse.

On a lighter note, signs of summer are early: the exhaust fans are running in the bakery downstairs, Simon the cat has taken up post in the second floor window of the house in the back alley, and the Dancing Man - in all his glistening balletic beauty - is hard at work holding down the sidewalks of South Side with his untiring moves.

8 comments:

Kate said...

Best wishes to you! My husband and I followed our hearts a long time ago and walked away from a very different life. It wasn't easy, but we are happy.

Anonymous said...

The dancing man is at it? Oh! I want a picture!

Moish

Jess said...

Zoe...so many wishes of joy to you as you abound on a new journey with your husband.
I know you will find the peace, happiness & joy that you seek.
I hope you will continue to blog your adventures as I enjoy learning from you.
Cheers!

Sarah Melling said...

What a lovely, poignant post. I love the image of spring tripping over itself...it certainly has done so this year. Are you familiar with Margaret Roach's gardening website A Way to Garden? Your post reminded me of her memoir of leaving her career in NYC to garden in the country. It's called "And I Shall Have Some Peace There". It's a wonderful book.

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Not dreamy at all. When we're not completely satisfied with life, it takes courage to move forward, and bring about change. Too much of life is doing things for other people, and we often overlook ourselves. I made a change moving here, sometimes I feel a little selfish, but mostly I'm just really happy. My wallet is a little slimmer, but I'm happy :) Find your spot, with Matt, in the country. You both deserve to be happy.

Ellen Zachos said...

Please keep blogging, no matter what you decide to do for work. And if it helps or matters (coming from someone you've never met) I think you're making the right decision. I have always insisted on doing work I love and making decisions based on passion and feeling rather than numbers and what the world thinks makes sense. So go for it, dude. And maybe your place in the country will be in Pike County...

Zoe Tilley Poster said...

Thank you all for the kind encouragement. It buoys me up :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you keep blogging and drawing through your adventure!